What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
