Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
