you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
