Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
