i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
They should really pass out barf bags in church
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
