The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize