Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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