Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
