It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
