I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
