Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just had sex on a roof
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
