we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
