I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
