i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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