....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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