I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
