You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Come see our sink grown plant.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
