SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
