I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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