So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
