Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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