I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
