Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My ass is underappreciated
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
