I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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