You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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