So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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