I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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