love makes seman taste better
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
