I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
