i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
