I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Less talking, more tequila
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
