when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
