so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
