Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
