your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
