your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
