What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
