Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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