Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
