I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
