I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
