we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
