her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
