drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
