Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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