I love black thongs
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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