Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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