Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
