Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
