also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
is it fun? or sober?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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