I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Umm I'm too high to move.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
