Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
