i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
