please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
