Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize