Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
