i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
