I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
