It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
