I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
