If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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