if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
