Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize