you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
