i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
