im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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