My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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