Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
