i just made my gag reflex go away.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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