I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
