do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
