the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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