dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
