LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
