we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
