All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
