Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
