Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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