Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Damn victory sex feels great
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
