it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
