hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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