Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize