I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
