I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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