Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
