Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
