Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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