He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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