i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
