You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Well I just put wine in my tea
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