As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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