I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
