I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
