I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
