Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
