I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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