im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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