Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
